im scared..
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
TODAE will be the day i declare WAR!!!!
haha..not really actuali.
meeting h*z*a*n later.
after maghrib..
we're gona talk things out and well..
maybe i might just gain the 'SINGLEHOOD' award again..
i don't know...
im such a contradicting queen..
i wan a break but i don't want him to leave me..
how??
no,i don't want a break break..
as in i need a break,i need time for myself to reflect how things are..
you wana noe something?
he told me he has started loving me..
im scared...
funny how it works the other way round for me..
my love for him kinda fades away while his loving me more each day..
haizzzz...
todae wil be the day i voice out my opinion..
i hope i haf the courage..
omg..i don't want to break his tiny heart..
okay let me plan something..
~for my own reference:)
-about tatitu..
-current situation..
-the pros n cons..
-wat can be done..
-main aim..
-the truth..
-being open wif everything..
-beg for forgiveness..
okay done..
now im analysing evry topic there..
GOD save me please..
Labels: im goin dead
11:33 AM
Y Y Y
another dream ....
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
a few days back,i had a dream again..
and h*z*a* was there..
left me puzzled after i woke up..
it's as though that dream is telling me something..
but what??
it's like this..
h*z*a* told me to meet him at ECP..
so i went there..
and while walking on the pavement,i spotted him from a far..
being elated i was,i waved at him and smiled..
and he waved back at me..
i was tempted to run into his arms but i didn't..
instead i walk at a faster pace..
halfway walking...
i saw r*z*a* with his family and friends having picnic..
so i stopped and walked towards him instead..
i was shocked and excited to see him there..
and that phony smile of his,moved me to sit and chat with him..
such an old friend you see..
after some laughs with r*z*a*,decided to head back to h*z*a*..
as i got on my track,i could no longer see him at the other end..
h*z*a* was nowhere in sight.
i looked around and around and he wasn't there anymore..
and pooff..
i woke up...
you wanna know something..
don't tell anyone kay..shushhh..
i.do.have.a.crush.on.r*z*a*..
i hate man wif ego but he's the only one i can bear with..
coz i love his reactions when i poke his ego bubble..
and he has that charm of matsumoto jun and samuel rizal..
which i like and is rare to find..haiz...
im such a bitch..Labels: im goin dead
11:08 AM
Y Y Y
weird dream
Friday, September 26, 2008
i had a dream yesterday...
a dream i'll never want to dream again..
there's me, h*z*a* and his ex..
scary shit man..
why must there be her??
i think my head thinks too much about her..
anyway,all three of us were in the car..and ZOMG..
h*z*a* was just entertaining her..
he kinda left me alone..
and they were like laughing and enjoying every minute of being together..
me,on the other hand was sulking..
i was getting irritated every second..
just looking at them smile made my blood rise you noe..
then h*z*a* even place his hand ard her..
ARGHHH..
then i cant remember wat happen after that..
but i woke up..
sheesh..
im having some doubts..
i so badly wana him to fall for me at first..
but now,i am just scared for that to happen..
feel like telling HER to not give up hope yet..
because..
because i noe he will come back to her..
and they are meant to be together..Labels: smile wen u're sad
8:07 PM
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just like her ?!?!!
Friday, September 19, 2008
GeeyoU aRe yoU..
adaptated by love guru..i like women who wears specs..
i prefer women wif curly permed hair..
i love plump women..
and yesh the list is endless..get the facts right okay..i wear contacts..i just love getting my hair rebonded and i bloody think it suits me well..and im slightly plump n doin something about it..i am wat makes ME me..
and i realise it since last time..
SHE has curly permed hair..
SHE wears glasses all the time..
and SHE is plump..
im just not her h*z*a*..im not ur ex..im NOT your first love..
i noe tat and you noe tat too..
you don even haf to tel me coz i noe tat myself..
why oh why cant i be myself..
are you tryin to transform me into her??
Labels: d, free me..
11:14 AM
Y Y Y
2-monthsary
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
yesh it's the 16 sept today..
and as always,celebrating my 2-monthsary alone..
but it doesn matter actuali..
im getting use to this kind of treatment..
anyway,he dont even remember tat we've been together for 2 mths..
and i bet he doesn even remember my birthday..
just hope he remembers im his girlfren..
if not,i'll cut open his stomach and pull out his bloody intestine..
sometimes i wonder how he treats his ex-es..
my instinct say' obviously better than how he treats you'
but i wont assume for sure..
coz it be making an ASS out of U and ME..
nevertheless,im proud of myself..
2 months of patience and stil goin strong..
the day TAT fades away,i'll be in my SINGLEHOOD:)
just hope it's not to late..
i'll give myself another 2 mths notice..
well that's it..
and yeah i realise crying suck big time..
and i wont cry for a guy anymore..
but if i do,it be another story:)Labels: smile wen u're sad
3:59 PM
Y Y Y
my other half ??
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Never in my life seeing someone so STRAIGHT-FORWARD..
So HONEST,so PURE and so INNOCENT..
the second line doesn describe him though..
wat i meant was the first..
Have you ever heard of the rule-->
taking about your ex to your current GF/BF is a BIG NO2..
if it's once in a while,i wont mind..
FUCK him lah..i feel second to everything..
and i HATE this feeling..it irks me inside out..
WHY do you care so much about her feelings..
WHY do you leave my feelings aside..
WHY is it so hard to let someone go..?
WHY?
WHY?
WHY?
WHY do ppl wana be in love even if they noe they will get HURT eventually..?
OOH WHY CANT I JUST END THIS BLOODY GAME?
I wan to let it go but i cant..
my teeny weeny heart just cant handle it..
it's havin a 50-50 doubt..
sheeshh..Labels: im goin dead
6:25 PM
Y Y Y
call me stupid...
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
im NOT in his heart,im just somewhere near his heart..
and yes,he said tat..the one highlighted in orange..
sad isn it..coz im not there yet..
she is and forever wil be ther..
and he haven start lovin me yet,i noe..
somewhere deep within me can sense it..
it's better to be loved than to loved..
wats the point..he doesn even has the heart to love me..
i duno if i had enuf of this crap..
blame me for being stupid but i just cant seem to let it go..
and he is a LIAR..a big fat liar..
he told me he DIN tell ANYONE he wanted a haircut..
right-.-
so means you and ur ex got great telepathy ?
im not born yesterdat h*z*a*..
she displayed it clearly on her profile about you..
it's just tat,you don love me so why do you even bother being wif me..
tryin to give urself a chance??
the problem is,you're not helpin yourself..
if you wan to noe the truth,YOU HAVE NOT MOVED YET..
you're stil stuck in your old dilemma..
lovin her and wishin the possibilities of goin bac to her again..
which means,i don exist at all..
im just some angel in your dreams fillin ur empty life while you're in this shit..
FREE me please..i beg you..
you're not only makin me upset but you're breakin her heart too..
she freakin don noe about us..
and she was hopin for you to come bac to her..
h*z*a* ,wen the time has come,i'll ask for it..
i don wan to be a hindrance between you and her..
seriously,you guys DO look perfect for each other..
the longer you stay wif me,the more you'll hurt my heart..
please,just let me go..
you haf hurt me enuf..Labels: free me..
11:51 AM
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